About 10 out of 10.4 women in this country have some kind of trouble, real or perceived, with the way that they look.*
This isn’t news. It’s an over-documented fact that we all know and never fix. We understand that TV, film, and Photoshop professionals do it to us, our sisters, daughters, moms…andit never stops.
Too fat, too skinny, weird nose, wide hips, narrow hips, sloped shoulders, broad shoulders, acne, bacne, smacne, crackalacne…you get it. It’s a very handy trick. A way to get women to self-edit and silence themselves with out having to actually say “shutup, ladies”. Hats off, society, really.
For me, because I’m so dreadfully original, I’ve always been hyperfocused on my weight. It’s the thing I carry around with me that makes me feel inferior. It’s the little nugget of self-loathing I always keep in my pocket just in case I start feeling too awesome about myself.
But something happened when, for the first time in my life, I got legitimately super-big. It’s baby-big. I’m a very obviously pregnant woman right now. Strangers will make comments congratulating me because it isn’t a risky proposition. I’m Central Casting pregnant.
I realized very recently that for the first time since probably 4th grade, I have no weird body issues. I’m pregnant, and this is how someone looks when they’re pregnant. I’m not trying to shoe-horn myself into an idealized mental image. Little girl is calling the shots. She is shaping me. And she’s awesome, so I’m totally OK with that.
I know that once I give birth things will go back to the way that they were. I’m going to try to drop the baby-weight fast. Nutrition, exercise, all that stuff. But man, what a vacation these few months will be. I mean, there are a LOT of physical things that are uncomfortable, some have been even scary and painful. But on a very shallow- outward level, this body is pretty fun to be in.
** …which I made up.