Personal thoughts on this particular sorrow.

This is the first time I’m reading A Wrinkle in Time.  It’s the book we’re currently reading to the baby before bedtime. We’re only about half way through, and even though it’s a classic, I honestly don’t know how the story ends.

Where we are in the novel, there is a black, malignant entity that has been discovered. Without the people of earth realizing it, this negative force has created a cloud over the planet. The heroes: Meg, Charles Wallace, and Calvin, are going to play an important part in fighting it, that much we know. But this thing is so bad and so destructive that stars have given up their life force in battle with it – just to make a dent. I have faith that good will triumph, but that’s just because it’s a kid’s novel and it’s got to come out ok.

And I guess that’s how I feel about Friday.

I have two modes: complete denial, and sobbing. I haven’t found the in between yet. I’m confused about the world and about god and about a lot of things. The image of that big black cloud keeps surfacing in my mind, covering up the planet.

I want to do a productive thing, but the only truly productive thing I can think of is to invent a time machine.

However, there is something about reconnecting with beautiful things in the world that has given me a little bit of peace. This is entirely personal, but for me this video feels like a balm of some sort.

It makes me feel something about why it is important and good to be a human in the world. That there are landscapes so big and imaginations so beautiful that maybe god lives there. I don’t know if that makes sense, but for my personal chemistry, this is what has soothed me. It brings home the importance of things like music, books, art, plays. The things that can transport me when I need a ticket out of town ASAP.

There’s the politics and the anger too. And again, the desire to do something for the people are truly going through this tragedy – but what? That’s not rhetorical and I’d really love input. What’s meaningful right now besides just thoughts and prayers?

I have the feeling that we’re halfway through this novel. That right now, the black entity has covered up a lot of hearts and homes with sadness. But I also want to believe that we’ve yet to come to resolution. And I want to believe it will be a good, renewing resolution that feels like growth somehow. This is not a kid’s novel, but I have to believe it will come out ok.

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